On October 1 my grandmother, Alma, died. I took care of her the past few years and I find it strange for her to be gone. Even though I had to go to the nursing home to visit her since we had to move her there in January, I can still feel the hole in my life her passing has left.
I did however, deal with her death better than my father's. She was 91 years old and I did as much as I could to make her last years good ones. I wish I could have extended her independence more though. I think, in many ways, the loss of her independence aided her decline, but she also had alzheimers and there was no way around it. When we realized she would wander away from her apartment, we moved her into my mother's house, but with the tall steps into both front and back doors, Grandma couldn't go out on her own. She couldn't see well enough to do the dishes. She felt very useless, I think.
And then there were her seizures. We never did find out what exactly caused them, but they were getting worse and she wasn't recovering quickly. The last one she had at the house was so bad I was faced with the fact we could no longer care for her. So we had to put her in a home. It was a nice place, not the horrible kinds where there is neglect and abuse, Live Oak Manor had kind and loving CNAs who took care of her, encouraged her to walk when she didn't want to, put up with her ornery behavior, and cared about her when we weren't there. But at the same time, she lost even more of her own decision making rights and I watched her decline in spirit.
She had another seizure a few weeks before she died, and at first she was responsive, would eat and talk a little though she didn't open her eyes. But eventually, she stopped eating. We had made the decision, based upon an the Power of Attorney, my dad had for when he cared for her, not to have feeding tubes or extend her life beyond what is natural. We saw her a few hours before she died.
My Grandma was raised by a strong mother who worked hard to support not only her many children but their deadbeat father as well. She loved to travel (I wish I could have taken her to New York, it was one place she wanted to see, but never got to) loved fishing, her house in the mountains, sewing her clothes (she made my eighth grade graduation dress) her flower garden and the deer that ate her rasberries. She liked cowboy movies, Walker, Texas Ranger on TV, and Louis L'Amour books. I was "her girl". I miss her so much.
To cut funeral costs we did a lot of things ourselves, including designing her folders (those little handouts you get at funerals) with two pictures of her on the outside, instead of the generic choices we had at the funeral parlor. She was cremated and placed into a box my sister had covered with brocade fabric. We even put together our own sign in book for the funeral out of a pretty scrapbook, papers, some stamps with copper ink, and as many My Mom and sister were apprehensive at first about this DIY form of funeral, but in the end it was something we were not only proud of, but Grandma would have appreciated as well.
I honored her on Samhain and I remember her here where anyone can see it.
Happy Journeys Grandma. I love you and miss you. "Your Girl" Mindy.
Picture details:
*Grandma's 91st birthday. I crocheted her that cupcake, she loved sweets a lot.
*Grandma and mt Grandfather, Mervin, who died about ten years ago. They are buried together in Colusa now.
*This was the last picture I took of her. We were watching TV in the day room and she was sipping the milkshake I'd brought her. We had a good time that day. Here, she had fallen asleep. I wish I had gotten one of her awake.
*Grandma hunted, but I don't think she liked it as much as fishing, she did it because Grandpa liked it.
*This is a picture of the things we made for her funeral, set up at the building where her wake was held. On the left you can see one of the folders on top of the sign in sheet that I later put into her book. The little wooden box is a memory box I put together of all the things she like (flowers, bingo, cowboys, etc).
*This picture was taken the day my parents got married, it is on the back cover of the folders.
No comments:
Post a Comment